Choices

To be brunette or blonde, to buy a new laptop or not, to skip class at Uni this morning or to go in and pretend i'm taking it all in, to say yes next time I'm asked on a date, to move forward and not back...

Life is full of 101 changes from the inane to the important and whether you make them or sit back and simply deliberate nothing will stop for you to make up your mind.  People still get up and go to work, people are born, people die and all the while no matter how hard things get the world never stops spinning. 

I know all of this and yes, in perspective anything I have ever had to deal with is nothing compared to what some people have to go through or live with everyday, but then thats the point isn't it?  Problems are only as difficult or as big as the life that you are used to.

Life in the flat is terrible just now, I still can't seem to find a flatshare and I was going to wait until Joey could move in and then get Mr S to move out but things have taken a turn for the worse the last week or so (hence the lack of blog) and I've been upset/angry/hurt and unsure what to do.  While I would like things to stop until I get my head together and enforce some kind of normality that isn't how things work so I've got my boss on my case at work for total nonsense about the guys in my team (normally I would push back but I just sat there and stared blankly), I have two deadlines for Uni looming and somehow I seem to have been inundated with guys who for whatever reason want to take me on a date - how?!?!

Deep breaths aren't working and I genuinely think I had a panic attack over the smallest thing yesterday (thats soooooo far from normality in my world... I can usually take 4 or 5 times as much crap as the next guy and still come out on form), anyway a trip to the pharmacy before work today is definately going on the cards - something to stop my heart going into overdrive because of life changing revelations (not) like starbucks have run out of caramel syrup.

I've been through bigger things but for some reason this whole thing seems to have got me cornered.  I feel shakey at the smallest thing, literally my hands go cold and I can't stop them from jumping about, my face goes red and my heart feels like it is about to pound through my chest and take out an innocent passer by.

Whatever this is... It needs to stop because I refuse to be that girl... the girl that has somehow appeared over the last few blogs - little miss self-absorbed/boring who isn't in control of her own life! 

Someone help my head tell my body to tow the line and get back in the game!

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Life doesn't stop for anyone:  Primal Scream - Rocks
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H41Wuo5Uba0