Right so I've just had the most uncomfortable 12hrs!
Think I need to put this into context really quickly first...
- When I went to visit Herb and Barron with Balloo, Balloo and I shared an airbed due to space and a teeny tiny couch.
- A few weeks ago Balloo heard I was unwell and persisted until I let him come through to 'check I was ok' he perstered to sleep upstairs to make sure I didn't fall and hut myself during the night and as I was unwell I gave in so we shared a bed.
- Balloo and I have been friends for over 10 years and so have slept in the same room, on the same couch, in the same bathtub sometimes drunken.
- Nothing has ever happened between us at all!
The weekend before last was when Balloo was here and last weekend he pretty much said his plans were to come through again. I told him I wanted a quiet weekend and so after a few emails he agreed not to come through. This weekend was the same, he had plans with some of our other friends in another city close to this one and asked what I was doing. I told him I had no definate plans but was again going to play it down as much as possible as I was shattered from exams.
Before I know it i've had several texts and an email saying 'I know something is wrong, something you aren't telling me and you aren't ok so I'm going to come and see you' I called him the next day to say 'don't be daft' and 'don't cancel your plans' etc. because I really couldnt' be arsed but sure enough it went in one ear and out the other. A few years ago Balloo and I hung out a lot but we have both changed a lot since then and although we have a lot in common and still get on great a constant weekend meet is just a little too much and I also got the impression he was hinting to sleep upstairs again 'to be sure I was ok' which I didn't feel comfortable with.
Anyway he arrived yesterday and we watched a movie, had some munch and a few drinks. About 2am I decided to go to bed and went to grab a duvet etc for him on the futon downstairs (where he had always previously slept until the 'I need to make sure you are ok' time). When I came back in he said 'I can sleep wherever you want me to, upstairs if you like... or I will sleep down here if you say I have to' (something like that). Basically making me feel bad... I ignored it, said night and went to bed. A few mins later I got a text asking 'why am I not allowed to sleep upstairs anymore like I usually do'... I mean wtf! It was once, it wasn't really a choice and he had never slept in my bed until then!!
The plot thickens when this morning in the early hours (we are talking like 4hrs sleep) he comes upstairs and says 'hi' I ask the time and when I realise I say I'm going back to sleep... he then climbs into the bed beside me! I ask why and he says he has been uncomfortable on the futon downstairs (news to me having been the bed of choice the last 2yrs he has stayed), anyway long story sort I felt weird so I said I would let him have the bed and would go sleep on the futon. He said 'no i'll go' but when it became clear he had no intentions I upped and went. When I got downstairs he hadn't even opened the futon, he had just maybe grabbed a couple of hours on the couch!
By the time I opened it out angry as hell and had recieved his ''I feel bad and as if I have thrown you out of your bed... come back... why did you leave can't we share a bed' texts I was wide awake! Goodbye Saturday morning lie-in!
He managed to 'force' some sleep and came down 6hrs later making me late for my plans for the day.
I feel really uncomfortable at what felt like any excuse to get into/share my bed and to be honest uneasy at his motives. I definately think the flowers I recieved the other week had an alterior motive! The irony is that because I thought they might do I even went as far as re-affirming that we are just friends via a carefully worded email.
Right, well that was all a bit of a rant but I don't feel I could read it over and make it any more concise without effort that just ain't going to wash after only 4hrs sleep so i'll love ya and leave ya and will await your comments bloggers.
Think i'll have to compose a striaght to the point 'cruel to be kind' email this afternoon.
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One of my favorite bands of all time: Letters to Cleo, Cruel to be Kind
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