Fishing

As promised I put out a window of opportunity last night and this morning i've two invites for a date so Sunday = a Sushi for beginners (i'm not really sold on fish) date with an online guy.

I changed my hair again before I headed to Download Festival and I am officially loving it!  Having had longish hair for a while I've gone down the Pob route and have short hair (nape of my neck) at the back and long hair (just below my shoulders) at the front.  I also got two red panels placed each side of my face.  Don't ask me how it happened... I went in for a trim and to get the grey covered up (ahhhhhh the dreaded grey) and came out with a totally new look that I would never have picked had I sat down and thought about it.

My impulsive side seems to have reared its head of late.  A tattoo, chopping my hair off out of the blue, travelling to the festival with randoms, deciding spur of the moment to hook up an online date.  Yep, I am loving where I am at at the moment.  Annnnd more so because those lil happy pills haven't passed my lips for 2mths now :D

I'm also looking at heading to Sonisphere at the end of the month with someone from work who mentioned they might look to go - fingers crossed.   Tickets bought this morning to see this band again in Manchester in November too - whoop!

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Vilo rocked it at Download this year especially with his cover of the rebel yell.

HIM - Wings of a Butterfly

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aUUSz54G6jc

Girl seeks Boy

Right well as with the list I joined a well known online dating site to see how dating in the 21st century is rocking out these days.

Filling in my profile was one of the most daunting things I have done in a while as I wasn't sure how much I should put, I mean this might be my 'my life on a plate' blog, but with my face attached to the info i'm not so forthcoming as if you've been reading this a while will already know.  Anyway I filled in a minimal amount and then put a few lines in the empty white box of 'about me' or something like that and started browsing.

I didn't see anyone jump out at me other than when I searched in London.  It seems that if you live in London, online dating is where it is at and elsewhere online dating members could be split into catagories:

The shy - 'I'm never going to meet anyone any other way'

The ever hopeful - 'I'm 60 but am searching for a woman in her 20 - 30s'

The desperate - 'I've never had a relationship in my life'

The player  - enough said

The water testers - those like me who are sitting on the fence looking in.

Anyway, however you look at it the pickings are slim.  I've had various 'winks' and emails since joining and have even entered into short conversations back and forth but I am beginning to think that the art of the witty email may be an easy one if given enough time in between responses.  That said, I've spoken to two people who seem interesting so have decided I will take the jump and go on a date with one of them if for nothing else than to report back to you guys.  Taking one for the team if you like.

Watch this space, I will open doors to an invite tonight in an email and reccon I might be telling you how it went this time next week.  Yep.. No love is lost on this little duck just now.

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This tune doesn't really fit tonights blog but I have been listening to this tune a lot lately and love the lyrics.

Sarah McLachlan - The Answer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVOu47ib9s8

Download - The Journey

Hellooooo bloggeroonies :O)

I've not been posting this last few days as I've beed at download festival and let me tell you... me actually making it there was very rock n roll!

I missed the flight I was meant to be on with my friends (reason not important), and also the lift with the two of us that drew the short straw and were to drive with the tents and booze.  I put myself on gum tree, rideshare and on the download website with an 'sos' ride needed post and on 7pm Thursday night when I had pretty much given up hope heard from two girls (lets call them Hip and Bob - lool). 

Ten mins later I was packed and climbing into their car, 20mins after this the car broke down on the motorway and we were waiting for Hip's dad... We ended up at the airport haggling car rental prices at 9pm and finally got on the road at 9:30 with some AC/DC blasting to get us back in the festival mood.  The girls got tired relatively quickly after that so decided we should sleep for a few hours at their friends house just outside Manchester so I agreed (they met him at uni where they study herbal medicine) I fully expected a house with a group of people sat around smoking weed (something i'm not into).  Anyway we pulled up in Buxton beside a few little houses and met this guy who was wearing a floral shirt undone, ripped jeans and flip flops.

We followed him down a dark mud road leading to a cottage and just as I was beginning to relax we turned left onto a teeny mud path meadering between nettle bushes and trees taller than my head.  I was starting to panic when we came to an opening where we were to walk through a pitch black tunnel with broken bricks as a floor - at this point I was sure I was about to be killed, chopped up and made into soup!  However as I'm here today talking to you... that didn't happen.

The bridge walkway opened and as I began to see again I realised we were on the river bed and heading towards a barge.  We climbed inside and you couldn't have stereotyped 'hippy decor' anymore if you had tried!!  We drank a warm mug of tea and then headed towards the barge next door (a derelict one for sale) to bed down for the night.  In the morning I climbed out to the river bank for some bladder relief and couldn't believe my eyes.  I was smack bang in the middle of a hippy commune!!  Gardens, Swings, Picnic tables and around 20 - 30 barges moored along the river.  It was bizzare but in a weird way beautiful.

We had tea and cereal bars in the morning before getting back on the road and making the festival early lunchtime on the Friday where my friends met us at the side of the road to help us unload the car before heading back to drop it off at the airport.  When I made it to the campsite and relayed my story among enforced glugs of Jagermister and cider (apparently I needed to catch up), I was crowned the queen or rock n roll!

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AC/DC - Shoot to Thrill
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kD8sxIjVuc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3p6WI6iv00Y  (The Download Link)

SATC

The new Sex and the City movie is out and it seems if you are female its almost like outing yourself as some kind of weird, ugly hermit if you don't want to rush to go and see it. 

I was never really into the TV series as felt it was all a bit 'fashion, money, fashion' but the 1st movie was ok so I think I will try to catch it. 

I followed a trend today when I visited the hairdressers yet again.  I'm still brunette but have a large chunk at each side under the top layer that is bright red and spur of the moment as the stylist sat in the chair behind me I decided to get a load of my hair cut off.  I've gone for a longish 'pob' (which for the guys out there means longer at the back than the front and kind of bob like) so have had about 6 inches cut off the back and 3 at the front and my head feels suuuuuper light!  Also it suits my tattoo well as at the back my hair is higher than the part on my neck where it starts when down so hurrah!

On sex and the city i'm not sure who i'd be character wise... my friends seem to think i'm more like Samantha than the rest but i'm not sure how to take that.  I think I am more likely a mix of Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality with Kate Winslet in The Holiday.

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New York - Jay Z & Alicia Keys

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XVXS54VQMT0

Who Are You?

So I completed 90% of the tasks we set during May with the exception of going on a date.  I will fill you in on how the online dating site trial went tomorrow.

WORK

I have a new boss, I say boss, she is really just a seconded manager with a distinct lack of managerial skill, a liking for chav like gold hoop earrings, an obsession with horses and hair that has been bleached to within an inch of its life.  We have clashed horns several times on a small scale thus far, but I can see fireworks in the future so watch this space.

FLAT

(you know I can't remember what nickname I gave my flatmate for when talking to you... hmmm, I need to look it up).  Anyway, she is driving me insane.  She moved in on the 1st March and has so far spent a record breaking 4 nights in the flat without her bf being here.  Admittedly they stay at his house as often as they are here, but the point being if I wanted to share my flat with a couple, I would have advertised for one and on top of that she made a point of saying he would not be here all the time before I agreed to her moving in.

I had my nephews to stay for a week as my brother had taken his wife on a cruise for their 20th wedding anniversary.  Both are teenagers and I asked that my flatmate (ahhhhh it was Roomie!!), I asked that Roomie not have her bf to stay while they were here.  I have worked out rather rapidly that she has no judgement when it comes to character and despite thinking that her bf is an ok kind of guy, I wouldn't place any bets on him being salt of the earth either so didn't want him staying over.  Anyway she ignored it so I kept my cool until an opportunity arose when the boys were out of earshot and in a short yet concise and non angry sentance made my distaste for her ignorance and annoyance at the fact he had stayed over known.  Needless to say she stayed at his the remainder of the week. 

She has also started helping herself to my things such as washing powder, food etc. (and no i'm not talking the odd occasion when she has run out, I mean all the time!), has paid her her bill money and rent money late twice, clogs the hoover everytime she uses it and then just leaves it for me to discover and fix, slams every door she walks through, and thinks that rinsing a cup under the tap with cold water constitutes washing it enough to go back in the cupboard for the next person to use... erm HELLO!

AND THE REST...

I have woken up today with some kind of bug, the toilet is my best friend and my bum and head are fighting over who gets to hold down the conversation (crass but humorous all at the same time).  I had planned to go to a free music festival about an hour train journey away today but seem to be house bound so its facebook, google, iPlayer and 4OD for this little duck today.

Roomie is working at her bar job tonight if she doesn't phone in sick (another favourite thing she sems to do).  She stayed at (I don't think I have given him a name so I think I will think of one just now... he is bald but I don't want to compare him to anyone attractive as that would give you the wrong idea... no, lets go for Egg - I shall call him Egg) Egg's house last night and I am hoping she stays away so I can vegetate and feel sorry for myself without interruption LOL

YOU!

I am curious about the age of the people reading this blog and also the location.  If you are reading this, leave a comment (you can pick any old name, this would be better than posting as Anonymous) and let me know your age and the closest city? 

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Sweet Disposition - The Temper Trap

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EHODPlZYeUA

A New Ending

Maria Robinson once said:

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

Video Killed the Radio Star - The Buggles
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSJ27TgBvJE

Phlegmatic

I was going to write about last night and Mr S here but I somehow don't really want to so instead I will tell you about something else :D

So the tattoo yesterday only took 40mins, they had schedulled me in for 1hr 1/2 as most people need a few breaks for the size/location of the tattoo I got but it didn't really hurt more than being scratched a little with a paper clip (weird comparison I know).

I have to say though, I didn't get any of the buzz or the elated feeling I have had in the past when I've had a piercing done (tongue when I was 16 and waaaay before the spice girls and piercing popularity, and my lip when I got all age conscious on my 25th birthday lol). 

Today it feels a little tight like I have been sunburnt but it is only a little red and doesn't really hurt.  I do like it, and definately think I chose something I can live with which is a good thing.  It is leeking ink at the moment though which although is apparently normal, its a bit of a nightmare as I seem to have dyed one of the cusions on my cream couch... good job it was a £35 find at a charity shop and not £800 from MFI or some other random overly priced warehouse store.

Sooooo All I need to do now is get the other 2 'to do' items off the list in the next week - game on!

'The greatest way to live with honor in this world is to be what we pretend to be' Socrates


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Daniel Merriweather - Red:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yur15Brfvhs

Number 2

Well bloggerinos, today is the day... my tattoo is booked for 2pm.

I thought I would give you a preview of it, there is a space in between the lettering to seperate the two quotes i've translated(i've put a star so you can see but obviously would be bigger).

פילה לפראית בלב לכדה בכלובים * סרנדיפיטי

It is going from my neck down (i've attached a pic so you can see what I mean) and will read from >>>> that side downwards.

Do you like/hate?

I'm off to a comedy show and food with Mr S tonight.  I'll let you know how it goes.

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Queen & David Bowie - Under Pressure

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xtrEN-YKLBM

Number 4

Feeling ready for the summer today, I can't wait for download!

Bloggers choice update - put myself on a well known dating site and people, this is not a good way to meet the undesperate.  The resounding yelp of fear and collection of bad/old photographs and ugly mug shots does not convince me that internet dating is the way to go... I will keep you informed.

I will leave you with an awesome tune for the summer and this gem of wisdom:

'None are so hopelessley enslaved as those who falsely believe they are free'  Goethe

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Hot Action Cop - Fever for the Flava
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EpRUszSW24M&feature=related

Number 1

Right, click the link and tick one of the challenges off my list!

5ive months (update)

At the start of the month I listed 4 things that I was going to aim to do this month so I thought I would give you an update on how things are going.

• Sing/play at an open mic night - not sure I'm confident enough for this so what i've decided to do is upload a track of me doing that onto this blog (I recorded a song on my iPhone today so would anyone technical minded care to enlighten me as to how to change this into a file I can upload onto youtube or something MS moviemaker will accept so I can upload onto here)?
• Get a tattoo - I've finalised the design and have booked my appointment for next Friday so in 6 days time i'll let you know if it hurt or not and might post a pic.
• Go on a date - Ok I'm waaaaaaaaaaay behind on this which is why after looking at all the suggestions I decided to opt for the 'internet dating' thing. 
• Bloggers Choice - I've signed up on a well known internet dating site for 1mth in the view to 'road test' for those of you who have ever thought about trying it and also to help in ticking number 3 off the list - sneeky huh!

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A totally underrated tune:  Chicane - Poppihola

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EC40_p9eG8w

Uncomfortable

Right so I've just had the most uncomfortable 12hrs!

Think I need to put this into context really quickly first...

• When I went to visit Herb and Barron with Balloo, Balloo and I shared an airbed due to space and a teeny tiny couch.
• A few weeks ago Balloo heard I was unwell and persisted until I let him come through to 'check I was ok'  he perstered to sleep upstairs to make sure I didn't fall and hut myself during the night and as I was unwell I gave in so we shared a bed.
• Balloo and I have been friends for over 10 years and so have slept in the same room, on the same couch, in the same bathtub sometimes drunken.
• Nothing has ever happened between us at all!

The weekend before last was when Balloo was here and last weekend he pretty much said his plans were to come through again.  I told him I wanted a quiet weekend and so after a few emails he agreed not to come through.  This weekend was the same, he had plans with some of our other friends in another city close to this one and asked what I was doing.  I told him I had no definate plans but was again going to play it down as much as possible as I was shattered from exams. 

Before I know it i've had several texts and an email saying 'I know something is wrong, something you aren't telling me and you aren't ok so I'm going to come and see you' I called him the next day to say 'don't be daft' and 'don't cancel your plans' etc. because I really couldnt' be arsed but sure enough it went in one ear and out the other.  A few years ago  Balloo and I hung out a lot but we have both changed a lot since then and although we have a lot in common and still get on great a constant weekend meet is just a little too much and I also got the impression he was hinting to sleep upstairs again 'to be sure I was ok' which I didn't feel comfortable with.

Anyway he arrived yesterday and we watched a movie, had some munch and a few drinks.  About 2am I decided to go to bed and went to grab a duvet etc for him on the futon downstairs (where he had always previously slept until the 'I need to make sure you are ok' time).  When I came back in he said 'I can sleep wherever you want me to, upstairs if you like... or I will sleep down here if you say I have to' (something like that).  Basically making me feel bad... I ignored it, said night and went to bed.  A few mins later I got a text asking 'why am I not allowed to sleep upstairs anymore like I usually do'... I mean wtf!  It was once, it wasn't really a choice and he had never slept in my bed until then!! 

The plot thickens when this morning in the early hours (we are talking like 4hrs sleep) he comes upstairs and says 'hi' I ask the time and when I realise I say I'm going back to sleep... he then climbs into the bed beside me!  I ask why and he says he has been uncomfortable on the futon downstairs (news to me having been the bed of choice the last 2yrs he has stayed), anyway long story sort I felt weird so I said I would let him have the bed and would go sleep on the futon.  He said 'no i'll go' but when it became clear he had no intentions I upped and went.  When I got downstairs he hadn't even opened the futon, he had just maybe grabbed a couple of hours on the couch! 

By the time I opened it out angry as hell and had recieved his ''I feel bad and as if I have thrown you out of your bed... come back... why did you leave can't we share a bed' texts I was wide awake!  Goodbye Saturday morning lie-in!

He managed to 'force' some sleep and came down 6hrs later making me late for my plans for the day.

I feel really uncomfortable at what felt like any excuse to get into/share my bed and to be honest uneasy at his motives.  I definately think the flowers I recieved the other week had an alterior motive!  The irony is that because I thought they might do I even went as far as re-affirming that we are just friends via a carefully worded email.

Right, well that was all a bit of a rant but I don't feel I could read it over and make it any more concise without effort that just ain't going to wash after only 4hrs sleep so i'll love ya and leave ya and will await your comments bloggers.

Think i'll have to compose a striaght to the point 'cruel to be kind' email this afternoon.

---------------------

One of my favorite bands of all time:  Letters to Cleo, Cruel to be Kind

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH_X7RsmaK4

Finito

Exams, deadlines - done and done!

---------------
Worth waiting for the adverts to finish for this one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MVFj-_SDIHE

Black Holes

And the next line isn't revelations...

For no reason what so ever I hit a rut last night. Like a train going 100 miles an hour it came out of nowhere, knocked me off my feet and kept on going.  Nothing happened to trigger it, I was lying in bed watching some rubbish movie on tv trying to fight the urge to go to sleep too early.

Depression is a weird thing... if I told anyone they would be shocked and would think I was making some sort of macabre joke.  I mean, I guess I know that only you can help you and so there is no point in wallowing in it but its such a bizzare thing, I hate that I can't control it... I just want to shake myself shouting 'just snap out of it'.  I refuse to let a state of mental being win.. I mean i've been through a lot of crap for someone my age and i'll be screwed if I'm going to let what is really nothingness destroy me.  If only I could somehow tell that to the part of my head/brain that had me sitting on my bed sobbing hot, fat crocodile tears last night.

Truth - I stopped taking the anti-depressants the doctor prescribed me.  I felt I had been on them 6-8 weeks now and that would be enough so the last time I was there had him prescribe the same dosage, then 1/2 the original dosage too so I could try to reduce the amount I was taking.  He agreed but when I got home I decided I would just stop taking them all together as I would be fine, and I honestly thought I would be.  I mean, I should be ok without them right? 

I don't want to be one of these medication dependant 'hand me a placebo drug and i'll dance like a monkey' kinda girls.  I think I might have to give in and pop a pill today tho, I don't want to get to where I was before I decided to see the doctor for some tablets again.

I guess the irony of the whole situation is that I don't quite believe i'm not making the whole thing up.  I'm a girl struggling with depression but in my head depression is something that doesn't really exist its just a name for people who don't want to pull their socks up and get on with things... they prefer to wallow in the past and lie in a pit of self pity screaming for people to look at hard done by they are and throw sympathy over them like a warm blanket...

The trouble with that is... I'm here, stuck in a horrible, lonely and scary place that I landed last night for no apparent reason and the last thing I want is for people to know (you my lil bloggers don't count as you have no idea who I am) or to be stuck here for longer than a couple of seconds and a deep breath.

wow - not such a cheery blog today huh

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Nora Jones - Don't know why:

http://www.lyrics007.com/Norah%20Jones%20Lyrics/Don't%20Know%20Why%20Lyrics.html

Cake

I am dyyyyying to go out get drunk, party, dance, giggle and do all the things I should steer away from as I need to be studying.

Why is it, when you are supposed to be studying or writing a 5,000 word essay even watching paint dry somehow seems appealing.  My flat is nothing short of spotless, I even somehow found myself rearranging the contents of my bedroom drawers and wardrobe!

So how have I decided to fight the fight to keep myself in, sober and studying for as many hours as possible today?  I've decided to bake a cake - Delia Smith eat your heart out...

If I did have to choose though, I'd rather be Nigella Lawson -  she might fondle anything phallic with a cheeky glint in her eye in a bid for world cookery domination, but at least she doesn't have a ponch for all things floral and bad hair cuts.  Yes Nigella lawson it is.

So what delicious tasty treat am I making you ask... well bloggers due to the fact the only eggs in my kitchen are of the 'dried' variety I have swayed away from the urges to make a chocolate torte and have opted for a cheeky vanilla and chocolate marble cake :D mmmm

Oh yes... way back in the 1950's I'd have made someone a wonderful housewife :P

Inappropriates

A question I like to throw on the table when meeting new people is the discussion of 'inappropriates' and so I'm opening up the door to you my lil blogger friends to confess all and divulge yours.

An inappropriate is someone you have the hots for or 'would' which if said outloud would allow others to giggle for obvious reasons. I've heard some decent inappropriates over the years ranging from father christmas, Eddie Izzard, Joan Rivers and more frequently than you would suspect (which makes me think he sould be banned from the game) Stephen Fry.

The Rules:

1. The person you pick must be in the here and now, no dead celebs.
2. You can't specify a particular instance for example: Miss .... in the Movie .....
3. If you have to question whether the person named is inappropriate or not you clearly need to select another

So to get things off to a sporting start I'll list a couple of mine:

John Cussack

Harrison Ford

Jonathan Ross

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An awesome tune from the movie Kickass, a must see if you haven't already:

Make Me Wanna Die - The Pretty Reckless

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DA1NEPDiqf0

Hedgehog

Just a little something that put a smile on my face - enjoy!

Awwww cuteness!

No Ordinary Princess

Just sat my 1st exam, it went ok but i'm not holidng out for a miracle grade as the topic today was by far my weakest subject. 

I'm going to treat myself to a night off this evening and kick back about 7pm with a bubble bath and a glass of Pinot before watching some trash tv (freeview box - don't let me down)!  I will however be exceptionally careful as someone recently pointed out that drinking and swimming could be a dangerous activity and despite my aim of living on the edge this year i've taken heed of the advice and will opt for more of a floating and swimming approach in order to live another day.

OMG blogger friends, I have just outed myself as someone with 'free' or 'council' tv, no sky or virgin for this little duck!  I am a true student when it comes to minimising the cash I spend on anything that doesn't involve going out or hitting a gig.  I don't have a flashy tv and live in the hope of decent re-runs to get me through the cold and lonely nights (lol).  Until recently I was paying homage to Louis Theroux on my little 21" screen but 40" deep tv however as those have now finished I have had to console myself with Mark Dolan as a similar but not quite as humerous alternative option.

They say the larger your tv in relation to your living room the 'lower class' you are and visa verca.  Bearing this in mind I am somewhat peturbed to say that with the ratio of the size of my tv to the size of the massive living room with 20ft high ceillings I type to you now from... I must clearly be an undiscovered member of the royal family.

------------------------------

'Not your ordinary princess'

The Subways, Rock and Roll Queen:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YldwmfECX7E&feature=related

Booty Call

One night stand - fuck buddy - friend with benefits - quickie - screw friend - sex - no strings attached - no commitment - unadulterated pleasure - aka. The Booty Call

I've been sex free for a while now and having done the fuckbuddy thing before I met Mr S.  It was the perfect solution to sex without the stresses of a relationship or the concerns of a one night stand.  However despite its obvious attractions I vowed I wouldn't go back there again when Mr S and I split up as I think that somehow it makes you unavailable to other people.  Also, it seems that girls go into these types of arrangements with their eyes wide open knowing exactly what is on the table, guys on the other hand seem to jump in with both feet and somehow seem to get themselves attached.

Despite this, I think sex is a stress relief must and as i'm smack bang in the middle of exams right now and am no way near ready for another relationship just yet I think i'm going to rejoin the club.

Before I met Mr S I went on a couple of dates with a guy 'El Dempasso' who kissed fantastically, had some astonishingly great chat and seemed to know exactly what he wanted out of life - yeah he seemed pretty great.  It soon came to light however, that El Dempasso was a virgin and so if things were to progres I would be the girl to 'pop his cherry'. 

I was totally shocked, he had totally blown away my stereotype of what a 20-something yr old virgin would/should be like, he was confident, self assured, got lots of female attention and had just decided to wait.  I on the other hand wasn't sure I wanted the responsibility of 'doing the deed' so we decided to think it over as we were both about to go on holiday.  I met Mr S before we got back in touch again. 

We have stayed in touch on and off since via text and the wonder that is facebook and he got in touch more frequently when he heard that Mr S and I had split up which lead to some steamy texts but having taken the plunge since I had seen him last and was looking for something no-strings attached which I wasn't sure I wanted so we left it at that.

Anyway my lil bloggers, I am thinking El Dempasso may be the stress relief and fun-time person perfect for just now and due to a bit of a photo/text disaster a short time ago, I know the offer is on the table so watch this space...

----------------------

I've always loved this song, but it couldn't be a better choice for today's blog:

Moloko, Pure Pleasure Seeker

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwmoMaB6VWc&feature=related

5ive months

We've been together 5 months now bloggers and I don't feel I've moved as far on with my life as I'd like to be so I think I'm going to set myself 3 tasks for May to give things a bit of a kick start but in the name of all things blog like here's your opportunity to give me a 4th... suggestions on comments below please :o)

1. Go on a date
2. Sing/play guitar at an open mic night
3. Get a tattoo (I have debated one for several years but have never bit the bullet)
4. ......(insert here).......

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One of the songs i'm going to learn for open mic:

Winding Road - Bonnie Sommerville

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTn31jn1JZ4